Reconciling...

I just read a post from the blog of a sweet woman who is dying of cancer. I don't know her whole story, don't know how long she's battled the beast, but I do know she is dying and she is leaving behind a husband and three small boys. I also read a post from the blog of another mama, the mama of a little girl, who is battling cancer; her battle is hard and she is fighting fiercely, and things do not look good... I go in for a CT scan on Tuesday. It's been six months since my last scan, so my doctor feels it is time. I cannot begin to express the range of emotions I feel. I feel strong, really, really strong, and hopeful; and at times I feel afraid and uncertain, really, really uncertain. I met with a gynecological oncologist. My medical oncologist feels I need to have my ovaries removed, to keep my body from making estrogen. One of the drivers of the breast cancer I have is estrogen. I am on a medication that is supposed to block estrogen from being made in my body, but it has not. The gyn-onc doctor said my ovaries are survivors, just like I am. (I love her for saying that!) Like I said, I feel strong, like healing has and is taking place in my body and it is as though my body is simply doing what it knows to do IN SPITE of the beast. I don't know how to reconcile the reality of what cancer does in the lives of so many and the reality of the healing that has taken place in my body and the continued healing I feel is taking place. I don't know how to reconcile the incredible hope I have that I will bear fruit in my old age with the reality that my doctor says 'a few' with my diagnosis make it to five years. Yet, whatever may come, truly, WHATEVER may come, complete healing, or something else, I know my God is good and He is faithful. And, because of this, because of His grace, it truly is well with my soul.