Heart's Desire...

For almost as long as I can remember I've wanted to be a missionary...not only someone who is actively involved in telling people about Jesus here in the States, but a real-life, bonafide, living in another country, telling people who've never heard, or had the chance to hear about the vast love of my Savior, the One True God, missionary. I honestly don't even know where I first heard about missions. I don't remember when my love affair with the world, with those who've not been told, began, but it's been a part of who I am since I was a child.

I served as a missionary after college in Central America for two-years and when I returned to the United States I did so with the intention of returning, not necessarily to CA, but wherever it was that God may call me, as a career missionary. It wasn't God's timing, but I knew that eventually, I'd end up serving Him internationally. I started a career in the oil and gas industry and it seemed my door into missions would be through this professional career. And then, I met my husband. Honestly, as I got to know him and fell in love with him and began a new life with him, I still knew we would one day end up ministering Jesus to those with no easy access to Him. And then...

We've so many friends who serve as missionaries, after all, people who love missions love missionaries. I read blogs, pray over newsletters, look at pictures and hear stories and I'm so excited for what God is doing, and I'm torn, because I want to be a part. I don't know what this cancer journey is going to look like, but I know, that for this season, here is where we have to be. My heart is not completely at peace with that, not completely settled, but I'll just keep praying for God's hand to move mightily around the world. I'll keep telling my kids about our friends who are missionaries and reading them biographies about Gladys Aylward, Lydia Trasher, David Livingston, William Carey. I'll continue having a heart for the world and I'll trust that God's hand is actively involved in it all.