Thanksgiving Blues...

I'm tempted to skip Thanksgiving...not the heart of it, but the event. I want my sweet family to remember and be grateful, but I want us to do that, every.single.day. I'm tempted to forgo decorating and a big meal and those things. We're listening to Christmas carols, watching Christmas movies, reading Christmas books. Is there anything wrong with dragging out the decorations this weekend?! I feel like there is only one big holiday in me this year. And, to be honest, I am okay with it.

Yay! It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas...

Little Miss...

I love my daughter's heart. We are not doing school today. My emotions have been so out of whack for a couple of days so I needed to go through and clean out the playroom and the kids needed to be outside, running and whooping and hollering. So, Sis, has taken it upon herself to "school" the boys. She just came in for supplies, paper and pencil, and robot stickers, "Of course, Mom, cuz' the boys love robots, right?" She's doing a little math and some spelling and then I believe she plans to read to them. She is so very patient with them and really creative in the ways in which she teaches them. Sometimes she will explain something to them and I'll think, "Hmmm, now that makes sense! Why haven't I explained it that way?!" She's a delight...

Tuesday Twelve

1) It's a rainy day...it seems to match my mood.

2) My littlest is well on his way to being two. There are days I think there is no way our family is complete...

3) I am excited that the holidays are upon us. I love this time of year.

4) My hubby came home and made meatballs for supper. He's a good man.

5) My sister just reminded me I am living my dream. I don't always feel like it, but she's right.

6) In my next home I hope to have a big tub, preferably in the master bathroom.

7) I think Daylight Savings should be done away with...

8) I'm going to plant lots of bulbs this fall. I am looking forward to tulips, gladiolus, hyacinth and daffodils.

9) I may start water aerobics this week, may...

10) I'd still like to have some chickens, and some goats.

11) I performed a scene from "Greater Tuna" for my high school speech team, such a fun play. This weekend my husband I are going to "Tuna Christmas". I can't wait.

12) If we had a motor home I'd travel the country and write home school curriculum about the places we visited.

Beautiful Day...

There are days life seems harder...

* more laundry

* dirtier floors

* more tears from the littlest one

* more bickering

* more fear

* less checked off the to-do list

* less self-control

* less patience

So, we turn on YouTube and listen to Jamie Grace and Matthew West and Toby Mac and we try to dance a little and laugh a little and hit the reset button. AND, even though it's already noon, we start over. It's a beautiful day...

What I Learned from Battling Stage 4 Breast Cancer

I was asked to do an interview for a fabulous blog...

Heart's Desire...

For almost as long as I can remember I've wanted to be a missionary...not only someone who is actively involved in telling people about Jesus here in the States, but a real-life, bonafide, living in another country, telling people who've never heard, or had the chance to hear about the vast love of my Savior, the One True God, missionary. I honestly don't even know where I first heard about missions. I don't remember when my love affair with the world, with those who've not been told, began, but it's been a part of who I am since I was a child.

I served as a missionary after college in Central America for two-years and when I returned to the United States I did so with the intention of returning, not necessarily to CA, but wherever it was that God may call me, as a career missionary. It wasn't God's timing, but I knew that eventually, I'd end up serving Him internationally. I started a career in the oil and gas industry and it seemed my door into missions would be through this professional career. And then, I met my husband. Honestly, as I got to know him and fell in love with him and began a new life with him, I still knew we would one day end up ministering Jesus to those with no easy access to Him. And then...

We've so many friends who serve as missionaries, after all, people who love missions love missionaries. I read blogs, pray over newsletters, look at pictures and hear stories and I'm so excited for what God is doing, and I'm torn, because I want to be a part. I don't know what this cancer journey is going to look like, but I know, that for this season, here is where we have to be. My heart is not completely at peace with that, not completely settled, but I'll just keep praying for God's hand to move mightily around the world. I'll keep telling my kids about our friends who are missionaries and reading them biographies about Gladys Aylward, Lydia Trasher, David Livingston, William Carey. I'll continue having a heart for the world and I'll trust that God's hand is actively involved in it all.

Reconciling...

I just read a post from the blog of a sweet woman who is dying of cancer. I don't know her whole story, don't know how long she's battled the beast, but I do know she is dying and she is leaving behind a husband and three small boys. I also read a post from the blog of another mama, the mama of a little girl, who is battling cancer; her battle is hard and she is fighting fiercely, and things do not look good... I go in for a CT scan on Tuesday. It's been six months since my last scan, so my doctor feels it is time. I cannot begin to express the range of emotions I feel. I feel strong, really, really strong, and hopeful; and at times I feel afraid and uncertain, really, really uncertain. I met with a gynecological oncologist. My medical oncologist feels I need to have my ovaries removed, to keep my body from making estrogen. One of the drivers of the breast cancer I have is estrogen. I am on a medication that is supposed to block estrogen from being made in my body, but it has not. The gyn-onc doctor said my ovaries are survivors, just like I am. (I love her for saying that!) Like I said, I feel strong, like healing has and is taking place in my body and it is as though my body is simply doing what it knows to do IN SPITE of the beast. I don't know how to reconcile the reality of what cancer does in the lives of so many and the reality of the healing that has taken place in my body and the continued healing I feel is taking place. I don't know how to reconcile the incredible hope I have that I will bear fruit in my old age with the reality that my doctor says 'a few' with my diagnosis make it to five years. Yet, whatever may come, truly, WHATEVER may come, complete healing, or something else, I know my God is good and He is faithful. And, because of this, because of His grace, it truly is well with my soul.